For Teens: Dating and Relationships

As you grow older, your relationships may change from casual friendships to something more serious and long-term. With that change, you may choose to be more open about your psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis.

Relationships can grow in stages, from someone you initially meet, to being in your social network, and then perhaps someone becomes more meaningful and important to you. It is up to you if and when you choose to tell someone you have psoriasis or psoriatic arthritis.

Meeting Someone New

Getting to know someone new when you may feel vulnerable about having psoriasis and/or psoriatic arthritis can be difficult. What and when you choose to share is up to you and can change over time and depending on the person. You also don’t have to share anything. Psoriasis is part of who you are, but it doesn’t define who you are.

If you do choose to say something, having a prepared response is helpful. You can simply say: “I have psoriasis, which causes my skin cells to grow faster than normal. It is not contagious.”

Reassuring others that you are not contagious is probably the most important message to share. You can also refer people to the National Psoriasis Foundation’s website at psoriasis.org to learn more about the disease. If they do take the time to learn more, that is a good sign that this person might be someone to know more closely. Get more tips about talking about psoriatic disease with others.

Not everyone you meet will want to know more about psoriasis or psoriatic arthritis. Some may even reject you because of your psoriasis, making you feel worse about your disease. If this happens, realize that this is their issue and not yours. This may be someone you don’t want in your life. If you feel you are being bullied, learn how to respond to bullying.

“Psoriasis is a condition that affects you alone. It doesn’t change other people’s lives. You affect your own confidence. Nobody else should have a bearing on how you feel about anything. Don’t worry about what people say. Get into the mentality that there’s nothing anyone can say to hurt you.”

– Shane W., a former Youth Ambassador living with psoriatic arthritis.

As you become more comfortable around people whose company you enjoy and who accept you for who you are, you may feel more open to disclosing information about your psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. It’s up to you to decide how much to disclose.

“When making new friends, I felt vulnerable at first. I would mention having psoriatic disease whenever they would notice it in my scalp or something like that, but it was never me telling the full story because I wasn't fully comfortable yet. I feel bonded to people who understand or at least try to understand my struggle with psoriatic disease. Growing up and becoming more of a young adult, it's helpful to realize what real friendships are and what they're not.”

– Emme, a former lead Youth Ambassador living with psoriasis.

Tips for Building Friendships

Talk with your friends in advance about your disease.

Tell them what living with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis means for you, since the disease is not the same for everyone who has it. Paving the way in advance will help you feel less anxious when you have to change your plans. You live with challenges that not everyone will understand or know about unless you tell them.

Be open and honest with your friends.

Making new friends – true friends – means taking risks and revealing yourself. If they ask why you are scratching your scalp so much or walking slower than usual, simply explain why. You don’t have to share everything, but what you do share should be truthful. You may be surprised by the support you receive.

Explain your bad days.

When you feel too tired or hurt too much to get out of bed, let your friends know the truth. You shouldn’t feel anxious or guilty about needing to cancel. Help your friends realize it is not them that is the issue, it is your psoriatic disease. Making your health a priority does not diminish your worth as a friend. You do not have to say everything. You could just say, “I’m having a bad day medically." You know your friends best and how they will react.

Learn how to pace your activities.

Pacing means balancing your activities between periods of rest to help manage your energy, pain, and fatigue. Identifying your limits will help you know how to manage what you want or need to do vs. larger activities that can be split into smaller ones.

Set boundaries.

It's important to set boundaries with friends and family members and let them know when you are able to do certain things or when you might need help. If conversations or expectations seem overwhelming, or if advice is offered that is not helpful, respond with, for example, “I appreciate your comments, but I was really hoping for emotional support right now.” Recognize that boundaries may change as relationships evolve or change over time.

If you need help, be sure to ask.

Even friends with the best intentions won’t know you need support unless you ask for it. Let them know if you need a friendly ear, a kind word of support, or if you need help carrying something heavy or doing other tasks.

Remember, it is the quality of friends, not the quantity, that matters.

There may be others in your network who have similar health concerns, which offers an opportunity to find support and someone to listen and confide in when you feel embarrassed, unsure of yourself, or are just having a bad day.

“For me, it's super important that my friends are willing to hear about it, or that they're open. If you're willing to hear about it, or you're willing to be accepting of me having it. Just because I have psoriasis, I can still go out. I can still have fun. I can still be part of the group. We can do normal things. I don't want people to think that because I have psoriasis, it's this big label on myself that 'Oh, she can't do that or be part of that.' So just being open that I have psoriasis, but that's not gonna stop me. I think that's super important when it comes to relationships, friendships.”

– Zoe, a Youth Ambassador living with psoriasis.

When You Meet Someone Special

There may come a time when a relationship grows into something more, and it’s someone you want to date and see often. In the beginning, it’s more about getting to know each other.

Saying something early in the relationship may help you decide if you want to continue the relationship, depending on the response you receive. If the other person wants to learn more about psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, let them ask the questions to help guide the discussion. It is important to mention that the disease is not contagious. They may want to know how they can help you. Share with your potential partner how psoriasis or psoriatic arthritis makes you feel, how it impacts your life, and ways they can help you.

“In terms of dating and relationships, I definitely want them to be open, like my friends, about my psoriatic disease. And if they're not willing to be able to listen about my condition and able to just help me along with my journey, that's definitely a major red flag in my opinion.”

– Mandy, a Youth Ambassador living with psoriasis.

It may take time for your potential partner to accept your psoriasis and/or psoriatic arthritis, and they may not be sure what to make of it at first, so don’t give up too quickly. They may also worry that touching your skin may hurt you. Let them know when it does, especially if psoriasis occurs on your hands, and what could be an alternative to holding hands.
As your relationship becomes established, accept your partner and try to understand who they are as well. Just as you want to be accepted, so do they, without becoming what you think they need to be.

If you or your loved one needs someone to talk to, consider contacting the One to One program to talk with others who understand what it means to live with the disease. You are not alone.

Having psoriatic disease does not affect your ability to participate in a relationship. Psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis are just one aspect of who you are. You are more than enough and will find someone who is worthy of your affection and who will appreciate you for who you are.

Additional Resources

A young man sits at a desk in a bedroom taking notes from his laptop computer.

Patient Navigation Center

Contact the Patient Navigation Center for free information about psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. Ask to receive a copy of the Care Partners Guide for tips on being a care partner.

Connect with a Patient Navigator

A photo collage of Melissa Leeolou with friends and her fiance.

A Tug of War

Learning to cope with psoriasis presents challenges and opportunities. Melissa discusses living with the disease, including relationships, dating, and what’s truly important – being you!

Read Melissa's story

Become a Youth Ambassador

Meet others who understand and develop friendships with other youth with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. Serve as a leader in our community.

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